hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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