Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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