He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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