sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
