dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
When are your genitals available?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
