Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
