your room smells of hookers.
And success
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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