i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize