so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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