I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
