Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
