So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
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Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
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I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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