Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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