I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
