The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
