theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
