Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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