The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
