She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
