if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
no you cant smoke seaweed
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
