...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
