What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
soo... how was my night?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
