This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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