all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
