Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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