Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
