i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
