Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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