piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
