just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
