i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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