I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
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well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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