Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
