I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
