I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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