My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
