I think my fart just growled at me.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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