If that was your dad, he is hot
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
