Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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