Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
