once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
