It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
