Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
