girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
