Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize
