He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
