seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
