last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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