is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
