I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Acid is not a monday night drug
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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