Sacagawea was the original milf.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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