this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Randomize
