Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
