Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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