all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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