i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
