Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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