I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
