Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
