She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
