Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guiltš
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heās Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You told him he ācould park his dick in your garageā.
Well he didnāt. It shouldnāt be this hard to get a penis.
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