Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
