my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
