textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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