YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
