Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
