I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
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I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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