did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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