You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
