Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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