Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Randomize
