just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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