So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Randomize
