so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
