it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
