i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
