remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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